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Flight
Attendant ~ A sophisticated travel maven or
one who deludes herself into believing that her job is glamorous.
Trolley Dolly ~ The ultimate hostess, able to plan and execute a sit down dinner for 500 in the time span of 2 hours. Sky Bag ~ A piece of carry on luggage, or any flight attendant that has been in the air since the days of the pterodactyl. Skirt
~ A term coined by front-end crew to designate which flight attendants
should serve his majesty on the flight deck. There is a reason it is called
a "cockpit!"
Air Hostess ~ A designation for any flight attendant who serves "bangers and mash" as opposed to "chicken or steak." Stewardess ~ Any flight attendant who is prone to sporting a mini skirt and the Marlo Thomas flip. Purser ~ Always the grouchiest flight attendant on board. She can most often be found in the galley with her lips pursed in a constant scowl. (see also Sky Bag) Waitress in the Sky ~ The wrong terminology to use if you were hoping for an in-flight meal! Air Fairy ~ Self explanatory phrase that may only be used by those who fit the category. (aka Flying Flame) Dead-Head Crew ~ The rowdiest group of non-paying passengers ever to enter a plane. These colleagues spend most of their flight in the galley mixing drinks as they hitch a ride to their work destination. Cons/Copers ~ Always the first to be bumped from a flight. Those poor employees that must be content to sit on a jump seat for 14 hours just to use a pass. Captain ~ The ultimate egoist who thinks nothing of waking passengers at 4am to remind them that this may be a good time to catch a little sleep. Second only to God in terms of authority! Known also as the "left-seat." First Officer ~ A "left-seat" wannabe occupying the right seat. Can most often be found chasing skirts or shooing away suits. Holds authority only over any pets traveling in the cargo hold. Cleaning Crew ~ Comprised of the poor unfortunates that must remove all manner of disgusting items left behind in the seat back pocket. Maintenance ~ Comprised of those you wake and eject just prior to boarding the passengers. Passenger ~ A broad term used to describe anyone interfering with a flight attendant's ability to sit back, relax and enjoy the flight. Um's ~ Unaccompanied minor children that must shuttle between divorced, bi-coastal parents. Instrumental in increasing a flight attendants baby sitting skills. Ball Gown Clown ~ A moniker attached to a female passenger dressed for an evening at the Savoy. Often seen carrying her stilettos because her feet have swelled. Newlyweds and Nearly-Deads ~ A reference to the typical passenger on a cruise destination flight. Up-Grades ~ A term of disdain leveled at those up-graded passengers who quickly develop a superior attitude. Squishes ~ A descriptive term for a passenger loathe to accept or ask for a seat belt extension when needed. Obstacles ~ Passengers who wait until they see the meal carts coming to decide that a trip to the lav would be in order. Busyness Men ~ Those so enamored with their own importance that they think nothing of holding up a flight to get in one last power call. Cattle ~ A term used describe all of the passengers seated behind the first class curtain. White Knuckler ~ A designation given to those bug-eyed, hyperventilating passengers, that get even more paranoid when the plane actually takes off. Thumper ~ A passenger who takes great pleasure in bumping, kicking and shaking the seat in front of them. The Thumpee can exact revenge by bouncing back in their seat, preferably when the afore mentioned passenger has a hot beverage in front of them. Dreamer ~ A reference to any male passenger deluded enough to hope that a flight attendant will invite them to join the "mile high" club. (see also "mile high club") An Iwanna ~ Used to describe a passenger, usually of the high pitched, nasal and loud genre. Who plans a month in advance all of the ways to monopolize a flight attendants time ensuring that their every whim is catered to. Book mark
this page and check back often! Our
next installment will explain exactly what the "mile high club" is.
We will also offer insight into a vast array of terms
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